Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
