she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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