You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
