I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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