so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
