While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
