its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
