The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
