I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
