On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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