through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
