Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
