I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
