Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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