My pussy is not your playground.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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