So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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