He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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