She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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