Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
