More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
