I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
