butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
