I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
