i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
