remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
