i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
