Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dicks are not precious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
