I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize