Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
