one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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