Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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