The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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