Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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