It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
