I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
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