the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just high enough for therapy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
