Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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