we have officially lost it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
