We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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