where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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