Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
