I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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