My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
