god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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