Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
