You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
