my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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