Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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