Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
