Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
