I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
