haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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