So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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