I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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