Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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