I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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