I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
