I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
