I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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